I have a collection of things that I know in my head but that seem so far away from my grasp that I'm not sure if it matters that I know. Visually, it's like a tree in the distance (Trying to stay w/ (Ivy's garden analogies) that I'd like to get to but there's no path and too many obstacles...actually, it's even more obtuse than that (Hopefully I'm using that word correctly but I know Wysteria is fond of it), it's more like a tree in a dream that I know exists but where it is???
I believe is a truth is that the Lord instructs us to do things that to us make absolutely no sense in answering our prayers and hearts desires, but somehow lead us to them. Sometimes it's a matter of if you do it you will be blessed, and sometimes the Lord just sees fit to teach in a backwards way(like by making the life you thought was unbearable seem breezily simple by giving you a much larger obstacle to surmount). Other times the goal doesn't seem to be down that path but only because of short sightedness.
These experiences strengthen my faith. There are many things in the church that I just don't understand. But oft times I'm quite an Israelite at heart. I complain about the manna because I think it's rotten that I have to go through the wilderness. I don't often look at the brass serpent because it's too easy. I'd rather have fun dancing around the calf I was told not to build because it was awfully lonely with everybody just working hard.
Yes, just add that to my name, Yellow Israelite Tulip.
Lynne said once referring to Cathy Carter's troubled mind about not having any friends, "I just don't understand that. There are always people to be served and thus there are always friends"(paraphrased). So, that's certainly true, no? Why then are we all so lonely? Do you think that we in our own ways bring it upon ourselves? I was trying to think how to help you understand about being lonely without bringing my husband into it. No one person could meet all of my needs. So when I depend on one person and am disappointed it's an especially painful kind of lonely. Granted, there are lots and lots of needs that are met, but I just can't seem to balance it all out, YET. So basically, when I'm involved in my own SELF, I'm going to be lonely because all I'm thinking about is how I'm not getting everything that I need. But, when I'm feeling Charity as Ivy was saying, maybe I will find my needs met somehow. Giving what seems the impossible will be getting even more in return.
I believe that is a truth. I haven't figured out exactly how I can do it. I will tell you that I am selfish enough to wonder if I could ever become that selfless.
How I can serve somebody else when I feel like I have a new shackle chaining me down every week. BUT, I know that I can. If I had something else I didn't have a choice but to do, I would manage no excuses.
I wonder how much charity I do have? I am going to spend a few days evaluating my feelings and see if my thoughts lend themselves to self-pity, or charity. Perhaps I will find something interesting. I'll let you know.
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2 comments:
Beautiful thoughts, and they made me a smile a bit. They made me smile because I think in our 30+ years we three know that this is how the Lord works. He does give us these obstacles and trials of faith and demands things from us that don't seem at all what we ourselves would need. I know he does this, so sometimes I smile when he gives me something larger than the last time and my human self says, "Hey, what is this, I don't understand what this is, why is this happening to me!" and then I get reminded that again, it's another of those faith building trials. I guess I do know this, but my huge fear is that one day it's just going to become too big and I am going to decide not to climb it and stay stagnant where I am, or busy myself with unimportant things like trying to look for a way around it, when there is no way around it but up.
But I think you two are on the right track with the our focus on Charity, and I almost laugh again because I got really annoying in R.S with that theme that seemed to last forever, Charity never Faileth, and I certainly never thought I would quote it or give much credit to it. But, I don't want our actions to be surmised in a quote. I think what I want from myself this week is to give more concentration to this principle, to search it out, and to begin putting it into action. I like this idea because it is small. It isn't some catch-all for all my issues and struggles and trials and whatnot, but it is a small place to start and to not feel too overwhelmed at with starting.
The problem is that I have cut myself off from so many sources recently, because they don't get me , or whatever I have told myself, that to try and mend some of these strings will be the first step to finding the group that I need to serve.
You made a great point Wysteria, seeking out the principle of Charity and then trying to put it into action. I look forward to exploring this with you all.
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