You know, whenever I look at the camparison of the single vs married dilema in the church I just can't help but come to the conclusion that Satan plays a big hand there. Why should so much jealousy exist? Why should anyone feel guilty or belittled for doing what the Lord has set out for them to do? I am a believer in teaching the rule and letting the Lord dictate exceptiong-FOR THE MOST PART. BUT! if people insist on being judgemental ON EITHER SIDE it doesn't work very well. There are so many issues like this in the church where there is a doctrine or a "right way" of doing things but yet we as people tend to either get offended or judge others and it brings the need for saying things like "oh but it's ok for this and that and blah blah blah". The whole beauty of personal revelation is that we have it! Wouldn't it be great if we could only use what we see in others to help ourselves, to learn from the good and the bad and not to tear ourselves and others apart?
I love who your are Wysteria in the part of your life that you're in and I know the Lord loves you too. I love the way that you take life by the horns and welcome so much with open arms and I know that's Divine in you. The Lord has blessed you with so much. I see that you have a huge power for good.
Ivy-I love your amazing way of fitting it in and getting it done bag and baggage. Your uncomplaining self inspires me every time I think of you. You see through such Christian eyes and I don't fully understand how to do that yet. WOW!
Sunflower, the Lord can use you every day because you keep your composure under every circumstances. You've come so far since the days we first met you. I feel so much kinship for your earthy peaceful self. I always have since I met you!
I hope I'm not being hypocritical too much because I haven't exactly overcome my "fear of men" or rather fear of their judgement. I just know it's a truth. I know that it's one of the great evil's of the world. MMMm, here's a thought. Are the movers and shakers of the world motivated more often by the good in people or the bad? Comments?
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6 comments:
Of course being judgmental doesn't help...in any aspect in life, but certainly not in a religious setting...where the emphasis to not judge is so great that it almost makes me laugh at just how much judging goes on...I think maybe because we have so many rules and regulations and goals (which are good) that we notice with satisfaction when we are keeping one of those great ones and then we look down on others when we realize they are lacking in that area. As much as we try to get that out of our systems, it simply comes from Darwin's survival of the fittest. Those who are "higher" or maybe more obviously "righteous" will feel inner twinges of being just a bit better....even though their love for the sinner may be great. And there always has to be the lowlier group....people fall into a rating system (thus the need for Jesus to equalify us all)...I don't think equalify is a word, but I like it, you get what I mean.
What I have come to realize is that it is the opinions of people that truly play a huge role in living a religion, and we all take our opinions and decide how we are going to act. We also decide that our opinions or convictions are right and therefore must be part of the gospel truth...for the most part, or at least a better way of living on earth. We then take those opinions and ideas and mix it with the absolute truthful doctrine God has revealed. (thus the reason that what people teach in Gospel Doctrine might not always be complete truth, they taint some of it with their own opinions). Then we begin to interact with others. But these other people have THEIR OWN opinions and views that give them the answers for their lives, even if they aren't perfectly accurate either.
Then all these people come together at church and viola....judgement and offense. The single gal who is successful and happy feels judged by the married ones because according to the church she attends thats the greatest thing that could happen to someone (although she is trying hard to still believe this, the truth of the matter is that she doesn't anymore). The married people will judge others on their children, almost like their children are products of righteous living. Oh, your child didn't serve a mission? i wonder what they did wrong as parents, or...oh, she worked outside of the home, that must be why her child is inactive (as if inactivity is the worse thing that a child could be!--when the simple act of going to church really doesn't mean you are "bad"or "good"...but again, if you are a person who is really good at going to church, then you are going to feel better than those who don't go...and you'll feel sorry for them.
If you are someone who is really good at not watching rated R movies or television, then you are going to feel slightly better than people who do...dum dum dum--judgment (I did this one a lot in early BYU days)
If you are a person who lives the word of wisdom perfectly (and believe that caffeine is so bad! Again, voila, you feel you are better than my sister who is an awesome mother of five, but totally has to have her diet coke!)
and so on and so on....it's the natural man, and while it is good that we can recognize it, I know it is not quite possible to fully rid ourselves of it in this life (otherwise we would be translated! Go Enoch....oh wait, he did it, maybe it is possible :) So, why we constantly have to keep reminding ourselves not to get offended, not to judge, the truth is that we are all going to do it. We may be able to stop judging in some areas, but others will soon pop up. Thus the need for the atonement.
Religions always focus on the collective. What is right for one must be right for all (that's why I think Republicans tend to be more religious then Democrats because that's one of their main ideologies) , and when you feel you have all figured out what is right for one, then it is right for all! It gets confusing because the church will teach weekly lessons to a group. There is no way one teacher could possibly address the needs of all the ladies in her Relief Society....so then comes the individual part that I think so many women forget about, or don't have time for, or ignore....the going home and really talking to God about what is right for you. So you are a mother and you get the lesson that mothers should never work, but you work, and you like working, and you still have a good home life and you are still a good mother....well, does that mean you should feel horrible guilt and let others tell you you are wrong (because for them the answer was not to work?) NO! That's insane thinking that just lead to guilt, which I really feel that God does not want us to be weighed down with. There are a million examples of this, what I am saying is that there are the core commandments, there are the core rules, but then, there is also us as individuals. Could it be right for someone active in the church to marry a non-member? Well, we teach every Sunday that it is absolutely NOT alright, and yet, I know a girl who it was right for. She prayed and prayed and prayed about it and got a yes. Who can deny her yes? Her husband respects her religion, helps her live it, waited until marriage to have sex, and they have one of the most loving relationships that I have ever seen...but is that right for all? No! Was it right for her, according to personal revelation it was.
So, that's how I deal with church lately, I have lots of questions, lots of doubts, lots of issues, but I keep going...do I judge when I am there, of course I do-- people are not as educated as me, they don't get the scriptures as well as me, the teacher is boring, they are all clones who want to get married, I have nothing in common with these women, I am not going to quit working when I have a family, I don't want a lot of kids.....etc. etc. etc. and these thoughts were totally ruining church for me because I just couldn't stop judging others. Now, I just try to meditate and think of Jesus. Because really, who can feel bad when they think of Jesus and his blessings?
That's my suggestion (and my huge rant for the day!)
Let's all have a good Sunday tomorrow!
I can't decide wheather to comment or make a whole new post?? so it looks like I'm commenting. I enjoyed your comment Wysteria. I especially love the way problems and teetering on "well then this and then this but what about this?" always leads to Christ. I never cease to be amazed to find that our Father truely has left us all the answers.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks came to our stake conference here. At first I thought-cool. But really not much more than that. I can't believe how amazing his presence is. His very presence just changed everything about Stake Conference.
Listening to him talk brought me so much joy. It's the same feeling I get watching General Conference. I feel like he has true Charity and feels tremendous joy. I really felt the love that they have for each person. There was so much that he said that I just want to share it all. My testimony of tithing, the evil of pornography, the great need that the youth have grew. I thought of Wysteria when he looked at our Stake RS Pres. and said, that we need to bring younger single people into RS PResidencies to help the young women feel more a part of Relief Society.
You know, I do think that I disagree with you about the statement that we're always going to judge. I'm not absolutely perfect in this, but I've learned to be pretty quick to repent for it and have made really great progress. I want to see others as Christ sees them. I also want to learn not to take offense and in this to not worry about the opinions of others. What a big burden this would relieve from me if all that I did was solely as the Lord would have me do. I do fear men a lot but the older I get the better I get at this in most ways. That's all we can do right? Keep improving all we can and feel joy in our progress. Mmmmm, feeling joy in the progress of others seems pretty important too.
I LOVE Elder Oaks. I connect with him on so many levels. I can study his words over and over again (especially his talk on The Power to Become)
You should do a post on what he said! I'd love to hear more!
Personal Revelation. ex. babies Good evening ladies,
I would too like to hear your notes from Elder Oaks.
I am here and will catch up on my trip in a post but, I wanted to comment on this most recent post.
Great post Wysteria.
I am back and will be posting about my trip soon.
Rob and I were talking a few weeks ago and I had a realization regarding my struggle with judging. When I voiced it, it was obvious that the tendency was not divine. My girls love "A Fairy Christmas" where fairies go around watching children for Santa and they check his lists for Christmas. As Rob and I were talking I pictured myself walking around with a Santa type list where I was marking either naughty or nice, looking at others and trying to determine. That's not the job that anyone has given me. My job is a lot more difficult and deep and it involves putting myself out there to be hurt. It is the harder way, to not put a label of any kind on others. I do not appreciate feeling limited in someone's eyes..."Oh she always does..." I would imagine others do not appreciate it either. So ever since then, the image of the naughty/nice list has helped in a funny sort of way.
The act of becoming, that sounds like something I should read right now.
Seeking out all that edifies instead of the contrary. What does edify mean anyway...mmm.
I love you all,
wysteria, your challenge at the end of your comment was great too, lol it reminds me of the classic film with the clownfish..
"we're gonna have a great jump today!!" finding nemo turtle dude
xoxo
sorry didn't edit my comment...
xoxo
We attended the Music and the Spoken word while we were in Utah and the theme was creativity, the desire to create, which encompasses the minute to the major. One thought that I especially enjoyed was a comment that was made about how more often people don't create things for the praise of others but, because they love that thing so much that they want to see it exist. I think of this idea in my life and I can think of some examples, I would be curious to know if any of you think of more. I love seeing a healthy garden, even in my mind's eye (that comes in handy here in Alaska as our growing season is so brief, btw the leaves are still bare as of today although with a couple of good sunny days we will start to have the tiny greens coming out I think...I will keep you posted...) I have been keeping a journal for my Independent Study course and I have enjoyed capturing aspects of my day and seeing them imprinted on paper not just in my forgetful mind. I enjoy looking at a favorite piece of music and sitting down and fleshing it out on the piano. To see something good that you love come to light and life is beautiful. I wonder if the same could be said of the degrading in the world..someone "loves" or would that be lusts..after something so much that they desire to see it propagated.
mmm.
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