June 15, 2008. One year later. 2:47pm. My family and I drove up onto the hill where we could look out onto the Cook Inlet, Sleeping Lady and the Native hospital. It was a beautiful day. I am a better person today, thanks to my third child, Angela, born sleeping. In her memory, I include an Angela poem with my post. xoxo
Every Season by Nichole Nordeman
Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer
And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn
And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter
And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring
4 comments:
Oh Em ... my thoughts were so often of you on Sunday, you and your family. I imagine you get tired of hearing this but as I reflect on you, your life, and the friendship I share with I know that I'm a better person because of it all. Angela was such a precious gift in so many ways. Amazing how one little life can have such a profound influence on so many. We plan to go to the cemetery on my birthday to watch the sun rise on the valley. That will be one year exactly to the day that Angela was buried there. Of course I plan to seek the spot out. Perhaps we will even bring bubbles! I love you Ivy-lilac.
I knew that the year mark was getting close, because last year at this time I was camping in Cedar City when Anna reached me by phone to tell me. And while a year has passed, it all still seems so fresh and new. My friend's friend lost her 12 month old son on a family hike this past week. He was killed and they have been going through the mourning and burial process and thought I don't know her at all, i have seen how much my friend, a mother of 3 young ones has been so affected.
It can make you afraid to love and risk....that huge FEAR of losing. I sometimes think about it, that it's safer for me not to try and love a man and marry because that is so hard, that it's safer not to have kids because you take a risk each time, that it's safer not to travel because our world is falling apart....however, I think each of us who has taken those risks, love, marriage, children, travel, or LIVING would say to keep pressing forward.
Emily, I love you, I feel the love boyling over for you all the time, and even more so through this post and through our reconnection again on this blog.
I'm so sad that I've taken so long to check blogs and such and I'm so late. I love you Em. You know, with Spring over and Summer here I try and remember to enjoy the heat and the contrast with Winter and not rush forward to Fall which I love. I've never lost my own child so I won't presume to go there but just using your winter analogy, and my own painful experiences. I, how can I say, it's not enjoy but isn't there a word that expresses positive emotion associated with growth and pain? I can't think of it if it exists. I'm glad about it. I'm thankful for it. Even in my summer misery there are so many things that I will take the time to enjoy and absorb while I'm waiting for fall which will hopefully bring time, seeing my sister again, being closer to my family, seeing my kids be happy righteous adults and more and more. All different falls I think but one at a time they will come.
I love the scripture Moses 5:10
And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying; Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy and again the flesh I shall see God.
Our eyes are opened by our transgression, or our fallen state, all of the ups and downs of this life. What a blessing! Thank you for your thoughts Tulip.
Post a Comment