Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Benefits
I exercised again this morning. That makes the 3rd, or 4th time in the last week. For me that says progress towards becoming a happy, self-confident, active human being again. The apathy is beginning to wear off. The story? Well, it came on slowly for a while. Then Christmas and lots of pressure. Then with the HUGE financial hit we took over Christmas and New Years, I went into an apathetic fit. I didn't care what I looked like, I didn't care about my duties to the church etc. . . The crisis was Matt's new calling and my new shackles. It was time for a decision. Do I continue giving up or do I accept the lot I've been given. I accepted slowly. I made the decision not to let Satan have me and though I'm not perfect in it(give me a new ear and sometimes I can't help a sigh or two) I'm good. I'm fighting again. Fighting for tighter muscles, fighting for new knowledge and progress with my house. It really is a fight, an uphill battle at that. My next move. Invite people over and try to have friends. I got released from my calling and will be put in as RS chorister, not exactly full of accolades but I took it better than I thought I would. Sunday will be tearful and I HATE that. I won't go into anymore details, but I want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing your personal struggles and also for staying strong, we can be a crowd all together and not feel as alone as we might. Thank you Wysteria for asking questions. Thank you IL for sharing your empty re beginning. I'm so glad that we're all going uphill though. No matter how steep it is for each of us, or how slow our pace, isn't it great that we're all going back uphill?
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5 comments:
Amen sister. Thank you for your words. May your muscles grow tight, including your RS arm, good for gracefully waving it around in front of those ladies! :)
Today, the girls and I listened to two chapters in the unabridged Mary Poppins along with the abridged version of the Secret Garden (disappointed but, at least it was better than the movie) that I picked up from the library--thanks tulip. Afterwards, I stood by the window, staring out at the gray that had been there all day and yesterday and for who knows how long...and it got to me for one second. It started with a small thought to DO something, act quick. I thought of coloring. It was war, and it was on. We were going to color. The girls and I made the sun come out. We made it come out by creating flowers with paper and crayons. My youngest colored circles and wanted me to draw our baby too, my oldest drew big sunflower type flowers with happy faces on them. And I drew daffodils, forget-me-nots, tulips, and crocus. I couldn't color fast enough, I felt like I was in a hurry. The more color I put on those blank white pages, the more the sun came out for me. I noticed it for my girls too. My 2nd daughter was dancing in her chair and my oldest was telling me creative stories about Arizona and when the sun comes out and washes off the doors that have all of these cold colors off. WE MADE THE SUN COME OUT! I really felt like I was standing at a crossroad of the day at 3pm today and I am happy that unlike other days, this one had a great sunny ending. xoxo
Congrats tulip, I'm happy to head up this hill with you. :)
I.L.
Way to go Ivy! I am trying too. It's those critical moments that allow us to choose to act/react. In other words, to have faith and act or to despair and react to what we feel is against us! Weather, self-pity, despair, worry. They are all highly effective stones rolling down our hill trying to run us over! Eh Wysteria?
I agree, I agree, I agree. I love you girls! You are the girls who make the sun shine in winter Alaska, who make a fight against apathy, who realize that this daily battle of thoughts and decisions is where we are forging our very souls.
I read a part of a book today, it will be my post as soon as I am done moving this weekend. It is from Alan Paton's brilliant novel of heartache, forgiveness, consequences, and in the end, a bit of redemption. When explaining the whites feelings towards the blacks, he proclaims that without realizing it "they had become weighed down by their own selfishness" and if they continued in that path, Africa would never grow and blossom (I love how that metaphor of blossoming is SO applicable to everything!)
It was just like you shared with me last night Tulip, about reading something and having it hit you and having it be your answer, there in the face, and everything is so clear.
I have been very shackled recently by my own selfishness....and like you, I am getting on the hill, starting that climb to pull myself out of these burdens that have lately been so heavy....
the novel, of course, is Cry, the Beloved Country.
I would like to read that.
Good night ladies,
I.L.
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